|Summer 1991||REBOUND Volume 2|
An Rx For Educators
Here is a prescription for educators who insist that they are not harming children. Sit the educator down in a hard wooden chair. When you feel like eating something, choose the food that you would like to eat and force the educator to eat it. If the educator complains or does not comply, find a way to humiliate the educator before his or her peers. When you feel thirsty, get a large glass of water and force the educator to drink it. If the educator complains that he or she does not want the water or that you are giving him or her too much water, continue to force the water down the educator's throat. Remember to remind the educator that the water is good for him or her. Then, find a way to publicly humiliate the educator for refusing to comply willingly and take the water without complaining. Also, since the educator was unwilling to take the water without complaining, force the educator to undergo an evaluation. If the educator comes from a large urban center such as New York City, label the educator as incorrigible. If the educator comes from a suburban area such as Greenwich, Connecticut, label the teacher as learning disabled. Place this diagnostic information in the educator's permanent record.
When you feel the need to use the bathroom, take the educator to the rest-room. Remind the educator that he or she will have very few opportunities to use the rest-room and that he or she should take advantage of the fact that you are making it possible for him or her to use the bathroom. If the educator refuses or complains about not wanting to use the rest-room at that time, find away to publicly humiliate the educator before his or her peers.
Do this for 5 to 7 hours each day, 5 days a week, 180 days a year. Then, ask the educator if he (or she) still believes that what he is doing to children in the classroom is not causing children to be harmed. If the educator insists that he is not harming children, repeat the prescription as directed for another school year. This time, lengthen the school day and increase the school year to 240 days. Double the amount of homework that is given. Take away recess and do not allow the educator to engage in any school sports or other extra-curricular activities. Force the educator to undergo extensive psychological testing, taking extensive notes and recording all findings in the educator's permanent record.
Democracy be damned! Human rights be damned! Life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness be damned!